I wanna move. Please.

I hope he knows, he's all that's gonna be on my mind
for the next forever...
don't listen to a player, when he says he loves you...
no matter how much you love him.
Anyway...
I wish I was Selena Gomez. She's fukkin gorgeous.
I'd prefer not to go back to school next month. I hate it. I'd rather be there than homeschooled, but Lord, do I hate it there. I'm only a Sophomore. I wish I was a senior...I'd be almost eighteen...almost ready to move out...screw being fifteen.
I miss my best friend...why'd you have to move? =/
Anyway...all that's on my mind is that one guy. But who cares?
I know you think I'm being over-dramatic.
It's okay...I'd think that about me, too.

A summer of boring.

I complained about last summer for a year.
How it was the worst summer of my life.
What was I thinking? Last summer was amazing...
No drama. The guys, Matt, Joanna and Rhiannon at my house every day. The worst thing that happened was Michael Jackson dying...something I'll never get over =/.
But this summer, it's totally different. Our group fell apart after last July. I only hang out with a few of them, now. It's been all drama-drama-drama. I mean really, I left Middle School for a reason. But I love my friends nonetheless. This summer, all I get done is sitting at home. The parade was tiny this year, and even the fair is itty-bitty. The Himalaya, my favorite ride, broke on the way here so that's gone. It's kind of a baby ride but it's my favorite for sentimental reasons. I hope July picks up, but I feel like it's gonna be over so quick. June feels like it's been forever. But July and August are gonna be over like *snap*.
I was so destined to make 2010 the best year of my life...so far, it's been one of the worst. I can't create a dream life on my own, I need others in my life to make it special. But I have very few people who want me in theirs.
You think I'm whining. It's okay. I'd think that about me, too.

I have no followers, which means no readers. I'm typing to air.

I have an algebra test tomorrow.
And this test that determines how dumb I am in Bio.
I also have to take the test in the next few weeks that determines rather I graduate or not. Woo.
I'm feeling optimistic, but somewhat pessimistic right now about a certain issue. I believe one day I'll achieve my dream on some level, but I'm not getting any younger. I haven't gotten even locally famous. My parents are too freaking realistic and cheap to think 'hmmm, maybe our daughter has a huge dream and the talent to achieve it and it's stupid to hold her back because we're cheap and don't feel like doing what it takes to help her do what she wants to do in life?' I mean I've grown up thinking that, by this time, I'd be somewhere, thanks to my parents who encouraged my wild mind to continue scheming and dreaming, thinking this dream would be something I'd forget by the time I turned this age. Well, they were wrong. And there's nothing else I want to do but perform and write. All legends and huge stars started out at a young age. Fergie...Drew Barrymore...Michael Jackson<3...and here I am, fifteen, and I can probably count all the performing arts-related things I've done on one hand. My mom always says 'Livvie, do plays and stuff closer to home. If you're meant to be famous, something will come to you, you won't go to them' bullshitty excuse, mother. This is a 2-mile-big town in Nowhere, Indiana. I swear, once I get my license, I'm outta here for a while. Once I turn eighteen, I'm gone for good.

Wow...I think the worst feelings just hit me; almost as bad as when my brother almost moved. One of the worst feelings I think you can have is knowing there's something in your life that you've wanted more than anything, that you will never have. That really sucks big time.
So, bottom line, I can't let this feeling have its way. You *will* see my name in lights, I *will* make a name for myself, and I *will not* just come-and-go. I'm gonna make it, and I'm gonna be there to stay.

-Olivia Ann McFarland

An extremely awesome night to end the worst week.

So, my brother's girlfriend IM'd me yesterday afternoon,
and it turns out,
he's not moving(:
It just goes to show what prayer might be able to do. All my friends prayed for me about this, and it worked. Never forget, God is good, ALL THE TIME(:

Last night, I went to hear my dad's band with my best friends.
I had an absolute blast.
I made some new friends, and I learned how to line dance. No joke.
But my blogs aren't supposed to be a recap of my life.
So heres some real whining:

I have pretty fun times. I love the nights like that, like at school dances or when we go hear my dad's band, where we dance the night away. But they come on very rare occasion, and I can never decide if that's a good thing or not. If you party nonstop, doesn't it get to be boring after a while? Or is it always fun to have a good time every single day and night?
Although, I do wish nights like this would come more often. My life is so boring, sometimes. I just need to feel like I'm a part of something. When I sing there, everyone seems hooked on me. And then people talk to me. People who don't even know my dad know my name. I love feeling like a part of something...
even if it's in a bar. o.O
If you were me, that would sound normal. I mean I don't drink at all, but I mean when people know me at this place...idk. I know it sounds weird. I'd think it sounded weird, too.

What do you do when everyone is moving?

So I found out the other day, that my brother's moving to Florida.
I don't like him, but I love him, and I don't want him to go anywhere.
I also found out my best friend might be moving.
And my ex-best friend might be moving this Summer. We don't talk much, but I don't want her to move, seeing as we've been friends for eight years.
That's all that's been on my mind. I felt so stupid today in Biology. Let's just say I made a complete idiot out of myself and everyone laughed. Heck, I would have laughed at me. My teacher asked me an extremely easy question with the visual on the overhead and I couldn't answer because of all that's on my mind.
It's impossible right now for me to think about the hug that I give my brother on Sunday will be the last one I ever give him. That's the absolute worst feeling I've ever felt in my life. Ever.
I hate Algebra. I suck at it. I'm in the extended classes, and I still don't get it. I passed my first two terms, though. I hate when I have to go up and show my work on the overhead thing. Because I always have those wrong. And if I have them right, I can't remember how I got the answer.
I hate being called on in class. I could answer a question at just under a college level answer on a piece of paper, but ask me to say it in front of the class, I'll have no idea what to do or say. People think I'm stupid. I can't blame them. I'd think I was stupid, too, if I didn't know myself. (If that makes sense...). I'm actually really smart.
It's weird; ask me to sing in front of a bunch of people, no problem. Ask me to answer a question in front of 20 people in my class, I look like an idiot. It's how I am. And I hate it.

-Olivia Ann McFarland